Elantria: Rise of a champion.

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Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Angelsmith_3000 on Fri Apr 11, 2008 6:53 am

weird's already seen this, and some of you may have seen it, but this is my book. I hope to publish this book, so please, tear it to shreds analyzing and commenting on it. It would help a lot. Here's through about a quarter of chapter two:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prologue:

The market was full of workers, but no one noticed the dark form as it slipped into a side passage. The assassin silently shuffled towards the doorway at the end of the passage, then gave three short knocks, followed by two longer taps. After a few moments, the door opened slightly, and the assassin slipped in through the crack. He was led to a large and menacing man, whom he bowed before.

“You called for me?” The assassin did not look towards the man, who was dressed in a scarlet robe. He wore a hood over his head, which cast a shadow over his face, so that only his mouth was visible.

“I have an assignment for you, Obsidian. There is a…certain someone whom I need you to…how shall we put it? Ah, yes. Terminate. He is of little importance to you, nothing but a little child. However, he is with a group of travelers. The Shadowrunners, I believe they call themselves. Should you fail, I will kill you. Make sure that you do not fail me. Understand?” Obsidian glanced at the man and was met with cold eyes. He quickly lowered his head.

“Yes, it will be done. But…”

“Yes?”

“Won’t I need some aid?”

“That is why I am supplying you with your own team. Do what you like with them, but bring them back to me, dead or alive. Now go!” Without halting, Obsidian left the room and slipped out into the crowd, already searching for the boy.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part One: Children in a Sea of Red
Chapter one
________________________________________

Obsidian peered at the group on top of the hill. His bond, a falcon named Cerium, perched upon his shoulder.

"Just look at the fools! Standing there in plain sight!" Cerium mocked their foolishness. Obsidian smirked. Cerium always had been able to say just what he was thinking.

"Why don't you go tell them that they are about to die? It would do them good to feel terror in their hearts." Obsidian ordered.

“The rest of you, except for snazor, go along with Cerium." Cerium and the others headed off towards the hill.

"Snazor, please get your stupid python off my foot." He yelled as he felt something slither around his foot.

"Don’t you look at me! It was not my beauty! Iris would not do such a thing!" As the words left his mouth, obsidian felt a chill run down his spine. He slowly looked down at his feet. A ripple of water was wrapped around his lower leg. Looking further, he could see the water as a humanoid shape.

"Hydroid!" He screamed. All of a sudden, a girl dropped down, whirling a staff and hitting snazor in the face.

"Hey! Watch your manners!" She cried as Obsidian twisted towards her, unsheathing his blade. She jumped as he swung his sword, just barely missing her by a few inches.

"Opal, please stop him!" She yelled. The Hydroid twisted around Obsidian and stopped at his sword arm, then turned icy cold. Obsidian could feel his circulation cutting off. In spite of the fact it was June, He was developing frostbite.

"Who are you?!" He screamed.

"Galaxia, and who are you? Oh wait, you're a big buffoon! Never mind, then." She twirled, opened her staff, and then hit him promptly on the head. Obsidian's vision blurred, then grew black
********************************************************
“You think Galaxia's all right, Arcanum?" Arcanum looked at Arsilarex. He was tall, with white/ silver hair and grey eyes. He wore a green tank top, with brown leather pants. He was about to reply, when he paused, strung his bow, and said,

"We'll have to worry about that later. Our enemy is here." His bond, an arctic wolf, stood up and growled at the oncoming attackers. Arcanum let loose an arrow. It whistled through the air and struck one of the attackers, a red haired male wielding a short hand sword, in the leg.

"Solaria, attack!" He cried as he fell, and his bond, a phoenix, flew into the air, and burst into flame. It shrieked and blew fire at Drago, a member of Arsilarex's team. He dodged it, but got hit in the head by a man wielding a club.

"Who are you and why are you doing all of this!" Arsilarex cried. Everyone stopped. He eyed the group. There was a girl with long black hair and a stare cold enough to freeze the dead. Beside her stood the man who had struck Arcanum. He had spiky blonde hair, and wore all black leather clothing. Then, there was the man whom Arcanum had shot. He was limping, and had taken the arrow out.

The Spiky haired man was the first to speak.

"I am Thundraxon. The man next to me is called Firenzon, and she is Hydroxia. We were sent to capture or kill a boy named Arsilarex. We assumed you were the boy. Are you not?" Arsilarex felt his heart skip a beat. They were sent to kill him? That wasn't possible!

"You found the right group, but you're not going to be getting him! We would die before any of you foul excuses for humans even touched the boy!" Drago answered sharply. He was thirty-three, and had always treated Arsilarex like his son. Drago's mother was an elf, so he didn't seem to age. He looked about seventeen, and had long brown hair, and emerald green eyes. His ears were slightly pointed, and his sword seemed to change color in the shining sun.

"Very well then." Hydroxia said. “I suppose we'll have to do this the hard way!" with that, she leaped into the air, straight at Arsilarex.

"Mercury!" He cried. At the signal, the phoenix leaped in front of Hydroxia, and as soon as she made contact with her, Mercury burst into her flame mode. Hydroxia shrieked in pain.

"You d*@# bird! You weren't supposed to do that!"

"I'm sorry. Stuff happens." Mercury grinned as she watched Hydroxia rolling on the ground.

"Anyone else want to try touching my bond...Anyone?" She said in a menacing tone.

“Well, Any takers?" Mercury glared at the members opposite her. Hydroxia was still on the ground, writhing in pain.

"Just wait till Obsidian and Snazor get here! Then you'll get it, you stupid bird!" Firenzon screamed.

"It's a little late for that, you dumb bozo." All heads turned towards the direction of the voice.

"Galaxia!" cried Arsilarex. She was standing on a rock, with Obsidian and Snazor at her feet. They were unconscious and slumped against Galaxia's legs.

"Here, take them. They didn't put up that much of a fight. Anyways, what do you guys call yourselves?" Galaxia asked as she pushed the two men towards the other group.

"We are called the Deathblades. And you call yourselves?" Thundraxon answered.

"None of your business. Now leave!" Arsilarex replied. Thundraxon gave him a look, and, gathering Hydroxia and the other two, turned and ran into the distance.

Arsilarex watched the group as they ran off.

“I wonder why they want to kill me." He muttered.

“Aw, don't be so worried. I'm sure they're just jealous of you. You know how some people can get." Arcanum replied.

"I hope they don't make it to Inurek before we do. If they reach the imperial city, we might have a slight problem getting to them." Galaxia looked onwards towards the fleeing group.

"You mean the capitol of Arion, land of the wind? Why would that be a problem?" Arsilarex asked.

"Obsidian is the son of a powerful Nomad there. If he gets there, he will have the help of Doragon the wise, most powerful of the nomads. That would not be good." Drago replied.
Chapter two
________________________________________

Arsilarex glanced around the forest. They had been traveling for many days now, and Inurek seemed no closer. The crystal city Sparkled in the moonlight, its lights never fading. Arsilarex sighed, turned, and sat down beside Drago.

"Drago?" Arsilarex gazed intently at the man, who was busy attending to the group's meal.

"Yes, child, what is it?" Drago turned to face Arsliarex, a comforting smile upon his face.

"What happens to people's bonds after they die?" Drago's warm expression changed to one of deep thought.

"Well, as you know, bonds share a human’s soul. In fact, some philosophers believe that they were born with a part of their bond's soul already, allowing them to recognize their bonds. However, IF you were to die before you came into your bond, they would not die. They can share your emotions, and even become part of your body should you wish. In fact, one clan, the white-thunder paladin clan, is rumored to have the ability to completely morph into their bond. They were killed off a long time ago in fear of their power. You see, the ability to morph into a bond gives a great advantage to a human in a battle, because they have access to a bond’s stored power. Back to your question, when your bond gets hurt, you don’t. And when you get hurt, your bond doesn’t get hurt. So, we can safely assume that humans and their bonds don’t share everything, just certain attributes, such as emotions, thoughts, and certain abilities. We do not share life spans, so when you die, Mercury will live on, unless she has died already. However, you will lose a part of your soul, or essence.” Arsilarex stared at Drago, then yawned.

“Tell me when the food is ready. Your talking has made me hungry. I’ll be practicing some moves with Arcanum.” Arsilarex stood and walked away. Drago stayed and moved the food a little closer to the embers. He was left alone for a while, until Galaxia came beside him, book in hand.

“It’s no use. I can’t read in this light. Mind if I sit by you, Drago?” She asked. A loud crash came from behind them, and Galaxia paused, searching for the source of the sound. She frowned, then grinned slightly when She noticed the sheepish grin on Arcanum’s face.

“I swear, Arsilarex and Arcanum are too much alike. If we were to suddenly find out they were brothers, I wouldn’t be surprised.” She said conversationally. Drago smiled and pulled one of the tinfoil wrapped meals out of the fire.

“This one’s done. You want it?” He asked. Galaxia nodded and took it from his hands.

“Ouch! It’s hot! Opal, do you mind helping out?” Her hydroid slipped around Galaxia’s arm and cooled the meal down.

“It’s kind of creepy, that thing.” Drago remarked. “I’ve never heard her talk in the four years I’ve known you.”

“Opal talks to me all the time, only not aloud. What’s wrong with that?” Galaxia replied. She was quiet for a while, and Drago started to think she was done talking. He pulled the other three meals from the fire and called the others over to eat. When everyone was there, Galaxia spoke.

“We have a major problem, guys.” She said. “The Deathblades are probably still on their way to Inurek, but at the rate we’re traveling, we’ll never make it in time. What can we do?”

“What if we try a faster method of travel?” Arsilarex joked.

“Actually, as ironic as that was supposed to be, you might be on to something. What if I build a hidden road? It would get us there much faster, and with the help of Celestia, I could bring all of us to Inurek by nightfall tomorrow. What say you?” Arcanum asked the group.

“Arsilarex?” Galaxia asked

“I like it. We’ll start tomorrow.”

********************************************************

Arsilarex groaned and turned in his sleep. The moon was low in the night sky, and dawn was peaking up the horizon. The only sound that could be heard was the leaves rustling in the wind. The wind stopped, and Arsilarex stirred. He looked around, and, seeing nothing, laid back down.
********************************************************
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Shining Darkness on Fri Apr 11, 2008 8:48 am

long.. oh well.

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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Dreamer on Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:29 am

extremely long....
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Press2000 on Fri Apr 11, 2008 10:16 am

It's pretty good, I must say. Very Happy Just work a bit on detail and character build and it'll be perfect. Wink
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  CottonCandy on Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:00 pm

Wow! I would expand on it, though. Thinking of it in a book, the chapters wouldn't be too long...
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Shining Darkness on Sun Apr 13, 2008 5:53 am

Yah, it is good...

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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  CottonCandy on Mon Apr 14, 2008 6:45 am

Haha... For a minute I though that was Press who posted that... *shakes head* When I saw Press's post I thought I was going a little loopy.
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Dreamer on Mon Apr 14, 2008 7:40 am

seeing this lately?
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  CottonCandy on Tue Apr 15, 2008 7:14 am

What do you mean...?
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Dreamer on Tue Apr 15, 2008 9:08 am

woops! i meant seeing things lately?
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Angelsmith_3000 on Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:35 am

Thanks for the advice! Any more Question Anywho, I'll post more later.
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Shining Darkness on Sun May 04, 2008 10:43 am

ok, bye! *waves*

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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Cleston on Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:22 am

POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Angelsmith_3000 on Sun Sep 07, 2008 9:27 am

*rushes back from losing his password* Holy Crap! A lot of things happened since I last got on. sorry... I forgot my password. -_-" hehe... Any who... here's more! Sorry if it's a bit much, I haven't been on in a long while.

***********************************************************************************
Arsilarex awoke to the warm smell of eggs cooking on the fire. He looked up and saw Galaxia was alone, cooking breakfast. Arsilarex walked over to her and sat down.

“Want help?” Arsilarex asked. He looked at her and sighed. Galaxia glanced up and, smiling, looked around at their surroundings. They were in a small clearing in a forest just shy of Inurek’s border. The flowers were in full bloom, and Arcanum was busily selecting some as a gift to Doragon.

“Sure.” Galaxia replied “How did you sleep?”

“Not that great. I think there’s somebody tracking us.”

“What makes you say that?” Arcanum had overheard their conversation and, carrying some flowers, sat down beside Arsilarex.

“Well, I woke up in the middle of the night, and when I looked up, I thought I saw someone move behind that tree over there.” Arsilarex pointed towards a large orchard tree directly in front of him. They both stared at it for a while. After looking at the tree for a few minutes, Arsilarex noticed something moving in the branches.

“Look! Over there, there’s something moving behind those leaves!” He cried. Arcanum found the spot Arsilarex had been pointing at, aimed, and set loose his arrow. It whistled through the air, past the leaves.

“Dang! You missed!” Arsilarex muttered. Arcanum looked at him and smiled. Just then, a loud thump was heard throughout the campground.

“What was that you were saying?” Arcanum answered smugly. The rest of the group snickered and headed towards the form lying on the ground. There was a blinding light coming from the figure they had thought to be their attacker. They formed a circle around the figure, staring in wonder. Galaxia’s mouth opened, as if to say something, but the being in front of her stirred drawing all attention towards itself.

“Are you all right?” Galaxia asked. She knelt down to look into the beings eyes. They could now tell that the person before them was a woman, indeed, a strikingly beautiful woman, exceeding even Aphrodite’s beauty. She was tall, with almond hair. Her eyes were as green as the grass they were standing on, her skin as fair and soft as a rose’s petals. When she stood, her delicate robes shifted to conform to her figure, and she shone with a radiance that could only be described as being made in heaven. The group gasped in shock at her, kneeling down so as to keep their poise about them. The woman smiled at them, amused by their reactions.

“Why are you staring at me like that? Have you not seen anyone as beautiful as I?” She asked “Tell me, what do you call yourselves?”

“I-I-I, um, that is, we-we are c-c-called Th-Th-the-“Arsilarex began.

“We’re called the Shadowrunners.” Galaxia interjected, glaring at Arsilarex.

“No, no, what are your names?” The woman replied.

Galaxia looked back at her, unabashed.

“I was just getting to that! Patience is a virtue, you know. I’m Galaxia. This drooling idiot here beside me is Arsilarex, and the other two over there are Drago and Arcanum. Arcanum, you can stop staring now.”
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

Post  Cleston on Sun Sep 21, 2008 4:01 am

nice
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Re: Elantria: Rise of a champion.

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